The spokesman for Senator Mitch McConnell’s office reported
that he was back at work today having easily tolerated surgery to add an
additional asshole. Speaking on behalf of
the senior senator from Kentucky his spokesman was quoted as saying, “Look the
Republicans are under unprecedented pressure from the scientific community, the
President, and the Democratic liberals with facts and direct clear reading of
the Constitution. The Senator came to realize
that he couldn’t produce enough shit to pile up to raise stinks about issues
that aren’t working out for Republicans.”
In recent months several other members of the Republican
party have opted for the operation. Its
reported from undisclosed sources that Ted Cruz has added a second and third
asshole after he determined Donald Trump had undergone the procedure some years
ago. There was no official comment from Senator Cruz’s office. However, off the
record, a member of the Cruz campaign was reported as saying, “Get real, the
Senator prefers to stir and shovel shit rather than produce it.”
