If Wayne LaPierre were in charge of the FAA instead of the NRA.

After 911 he would have recommended:

1. Open cockpits with rear view mirrors, so pilots could see hijackers coming.
2. Issuing guns to all passengers at security gates so they could shoot hijackers in their isle on the way to the cockpit.
3. Arming flight attendants with high capacity automatic weapons. 
4. Pilots have safety belts converted to ammo bandoliers. 
5. Passengers pay for armed guards at each lavatory and at the cockpit, despite the fact they won't pay for extra leg room in economy plus. 
6. That all planes with bad guys on them should be shot down by good guys with guns.  Thoughts and prayers for the passengers.
7. X-Raying baggage should be banned is violates a persons 4th Amendment rights.
8. Seat belts would be removed to allow for faster threat response in case of a hijacking. 

Fun with Trumpian Memes

I found this one on Facebook posted replied to by friend I haven't seen in couple years, but we argue with each other online daily.   He replied: "Maybe if the pilot stuck to just flight service announcements, he wouldn't rile up the passengers so much."  

But it got me thinking. What if the Donald Trump was a commercial airline pilot? What would his in flight announcements be like?

A few follow:

"Folks, from the cockpit. We are going to experience turbulence ahead.  Unfasten your seat belts.  I'm hearing there is a better chance you will experience periods of weightlessness. NASA's been wasting your tax money, if go into free fall and you don't puke, we have some SpaceX applications we can hand out."

"Hello from the cockpit.  I'd just like to remind coach passengers crossing into first class to use the toilet to stay in your area. Most of you are drug addicts, rapists and low life's, that's why you have sardine section tickets. Elite flyers, you already have more space, if you wanted your own toilet you should have paid for that too."

"This is the cockpit again. Can the Elite flyer club members sitting in exit rows 20 and 21 please unfasten their seat belts, get up and punch the passenger in seat 23C. He's Chinese and brought stinky day old food on the plane. Yeah, just punch him. Get him off the plane."

"Ah this is your Captain. The FAA is diverting us around a thunderstorm. We'll be late getting into New York.  You can blame this on the FAA. If pilots ran the FAA we'd never be late. We'd never have bad weather either if pilots ran the National Weather Service. We'd take the direct root, and you all could be astronauts."

"Folks this is Captain Trump. Attending our first class cabin is my daughter Ivanka and Miss Slovenia 2017.  I could look at them all day.  In coach, well, she's a bit flat chested... I am just saying."

"This is the captain. I'm sure some of you people in Sardine Class, rows 21 and back are good people, but several noxious farts have been reported. I'm going to open the back exit door. Oxygen masks will drop for rows 20 forward.  Those not being given a mask hold your breath. I'm told this will only take a few seconds."

Trump has to embroider crib notes to remember who he is.

Controversy erupted over the President's use of crib notes in his listening session with victims of mass shootings Wednesday.  Pundits quickly seized on the use of rudimentary reminders to basically be empathetic and stay on topic. MSNBC and CNN quickly ran segments conjecturing on the possible meaning of the president's need for notes. 

In the fray, all networks and alternative news outlets failed to notice the "45" embroidered on the President's shirt cuffs.



When contacted by this blog for comment on the President's tailoring of the moment, White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders issued the following statement:

"Use of notes for people in high visibility positions trying to accomplish tasks of extreme difficulty has a long tradition in our government.  Neil Armstrong, for instance, had his moon landing tasks printed on his spacesuit sleeve.  As you know the president has to juggle moon shot tasks on daily basis.  Its easy for him to forget who he is."

Does gun control work?

Setting aside my tongue and cheek making fun of  political life for a day or two.

Here is a excerpt I found on Facebook a friend of mine wrote.  It speaks volumes to what we as a country should be doing about mass shootings.  President Trump has proposed arming teachers to solve the mass shooting problem in schools.  I won't get into reasoning whether I think that would work. It won't.  The problem is not isolated to schools. Its hitting every venue Americans assemble in: Churches, concerts, movie theaters, shopping malls, and yes, schools.  We don't need a quick fix, we need comprehensive cross the board gun legislation. Ignoring the problem as just given us thousands of shot people in the last 20 years.  Loosening gun control made it worse. See chart above.
More access to guns leads to more death and injury.

California once again leads the nation in solving problems. Hate them if you will. But they get results. The kids from Florida are an inspiration. Those of you who are worshipers in the gun cult are basically clueless and uncaring. 

From a Facebook comment.

I can only speak from my own states experience. Since 1993 California has passed a series of sensible gun laws. (Through the legislature and through referendum. -Right we voted it in by 65 percent.) 

We have a ten day waiting period on all gun and ammo purchases. We outlawed magazines over ten bullets, we also banned assault type weapons etc. We have background checks. It's been slightly inconvenient a couple times. I know I wanted to buy new .22's for the Scout camp ten years ago or so. We had to delay the purchase. (That was more poor planning on our part.) 

But here is the thing. Deaths by gunfire have dropped in this state by 2500 people a year since 1993. This despite us actually adding 4 million more people in population. That's a lot of people that are alive today, that would not be, had the voters and lawmakers in California not taken action. I still have my guns in my cabinet. I still go out and blast clay pigeons, birds and various other non-human targets when I desire. It seems a good compromise to protect school kids, concert goers, people walking down the street, or going to a movie.

Happy Valentines from the NRA

Especially Wayne Lapierre

Who's idiocy and advocacy has killed more people in America than any other terrorist!  Florida today, yesterday, and probably tomorrow. Sandy Hook, Aurora Colorado, Las Vegas, Sutherland Texas, San Bernardino ....

Science determines state of stick up Mitch McConnell's ass at SOTU

Harvard Medical and M.I.T. Mechanical Engineering teamed up last night with IBM's Watson's artificial intelligence engine to conduct a root cause analysis and associating pictures to the expressions of various politicians watching the President Trump state of the union speech.

Initially the study was to determine the mindset of Mike Pence and Speaker Ryan as they had to sit quietly behind the President on TV for 90 minutes.  (A picture being worth a thousand words.) Advanced AI algorithms correlated to web pictures of dog behavior with a biscuit being held in front of them by their owner.


Various other politicians were analyzed also as the camera panned across congress members. Chuck Schumer correlated to a spoon of probiotic  yogurt.


However IBM's Watson kept finding the following image from a 50's version of the Boy Scout Handbook each time the Senate Majority leader was panned by the camera.


IBM Watson also attached  the following line with the image : "Up his ass, and backwards too."

State of Trump

One year into the presidency Trump lost himself in.  -And yes “Lost” is probably the operative word. Don’t you think he seems like a wandering man being harassed by Sleestaks? Let’s review his progress on his promises.

1.       Mexico’s gonna pay for that wall. – Nope. No peso river from Mexico yet. The wall is more of a dam.  Kind of a money drought dike on both sides holding back floods of money in Don’s mind. Lots of discussion about “What is a wall?” There is ground swell, a something, that does not love a wall. Donnie ordered Robert Frost fired according to sources at the state department. He is the reason no one loves the wall.

2.       Make Obama Care Better. –Nope. Attempted to slash at it with a scalpel a lot. Screamed and yelled like a baby in emergency about how much “It hurts.”   Ripped off bandages like the individual mandate exposing wounds to infection, but as far as treating the patient, his bedside manner is as abrupt and expensive as his marriage endings.

3.       Bring back Coal. –Nope. Coal sucks to transport and burn compared to petroleum and natural gas.  Even with a Trump scalp reduction and elaborate comb over coal can’t hide its lack of sexy. 

4.       Cut Taxes. –Depends on endowment. If you already had more money than you needed to have a house, a car and feed your family, your twelve inches just became 14.  If not, you still have a four inch soft shaft. That $20 a week he gave you is like a single lick. It feels good, but the rest is up to you.

5.       America First.  –Yep.  If you interpret the phrase as “How many people can I piss off.” 

Wall Street Journal attributes economic boom exclusively to Donald Trump's election.

The Wall Street Journal in an Op Ed published over this weekend's highlighted all additional growth in the American economy is because of Trump's faults.

Not his virtues. His faults.

The article asserts that Donald Trumps erratic behavior and twitter habits have lead to extreme growth in the following industries:  telecom providers, media outlets, and graphic artists.

Speaking from a total data traffic increase, Lowell C. McAdam CEO of Verizon was quoted as saying, "Historically we've been going at 6000 percent since 1998.  This year is was 13,000.  If you look at the content of the extra data, Donald Trump or some derivative of his name or image almost always appears."

Randall Stephenson chairman if AT&T agreed.  "We're investing an extra billion in infrastructure this year because of the tax cut. We expect almost all of that to be consumed by Donald Trump chatter."

Doug Herzog CEO of Comedy Central also weighed in.  "Consider the amount of graphic artists we'd had to hire at New York wages in just the last year to lampoon the President. Its not just a cottage industry anymore. He created a whole industry. Graphic arts was dying, Trump rejuvenated over night." 

Democrats finally decide to show their asshole side. Republicans well....

World debates if Donnie weighs 239 or not.

In a briefing of the President’s health Rear Admiral Ronny Jackson reported that the president was in great shape for a guy weighing 239 lbs. Social media immediately flew into a frenzy about whether a man with as big a butt as Donald Trump has could only weigh 239.

Being a “rear” admiral Ronnie could only respond, “We did discuss the president does need to get more exercise.  Fat butts are bigger than muscular ones.  A pound of fat takes up two and half times the volume of equal weight of muscle.”

You heard it here first. According the military and the American Medical Association, the president is a fat ass. 

Donnie proposes a swear and lie jar to solve Emoluments issue.

In a recent tweet (now deleted) Donald Trump proposed he put swear and lie jar on his desk.  

“If the DEMS can handle shit talk, I’ll put a swear jar in the oval office. When I say shit, I'll take some of my hotel money and put it in the jar.” 

Following up in a multi tweet he continued: “I work for free. But hey, if you can’t handle bullshit, I’ll put money in for that too.”

“I made my hotels great again since becoming President. People want to stay there. I’ll pay so I can say all the shit I want.  That’s how rich I am.”

Poking the predator from the bait ball.

Over the weekend the American public bought two things like sardines in mating season: Powerball tickets and copies of “Fire and Fury.”  Why the lottery tickets?  To have a chance at heaven without predators.  “Fire and Fury,” to take a stab from the bait ball at a predator.

It turns out all presidents (including this one) don’t like to be refashioned by nebulous balls of spectators spewing poop from the cheap seats.

The American people know the points of this book have bullshit as their metal, but Donald wielded bullshit weapons for eight years as a spectator knowing Obama wasn’t Kenyan born, communist, Muslim or a gun hater.  But as you said Donnie, “People are saying it, so there must be something to it.”

How does it feel to move from a spectator tossing word manure into the arena to one of the gladiators sliding around in it?  Turns out those word weapons are sticky, even if they are wielded by crackpot no-talents.

Do we really think you eat Big Macs in bed, are mentally unbalanced, suffer from Alzheimer’s and like to watch hookers pee on Barrack’s bedsheets? Nah!  But stuck with you repeating the same four or five sentences for another three years, we poke you with shit points to see if you’ll make a new and interesting squeak. There is something to that.